ClayNation: Les' call makes my call easy

No more arguments from anyone about whether or not Les Miles is crazy and dumb. The Auburn game ended all those questions. He's a successful crazy and dumb guy, but he's still crazy and dumb. Ever since he tried to call his final timeout after a late interception against UT in 2005, I've known that Miles was coaching without a full deck of cards.

Les Miles: Successful crazy and dumb guy, but still crazy and dumb. (Getty Images)

That's not necessarily an indictment. Football isn't brain surgery. It probably helps a coach not to have enough intelligence to realize the ramifications of all of his actions. It's not just football either, look at our president. As I stated last week, my challenge remains: Les Miles and myself, any written test (modified so as not to cover the LSU playbook or car repair) that he can beat me on and I'll wear only turtlenecks for a month.

As evidenced by his interview with Holly Rowe after the game, Miles had no idea what he'd actually done at the end of the Auburn game. Nor did Rowe, who mistakenly assumed that Miles had taken a timeout rather than have his quarterback take a snap while the clock was running inside of 15 seconds.

But that's been talked about ad infinitum, already. And hilariously skewered via this x-rayed picture of Les Miles' brain by EDSBS.com. Sometimes unbridled self-confidence when you have no reason to have unbridled self-confidence carries the day. Without that, I wouldn't be married. Or ever play golf.

Since Miles inexplicably successful decision to pass at the end of the game, I've been bombarded with e-mails wanting to know if the Tuberville-inspired beaver pelt trader of the week award should be renamed in honor of Les Miles. I think the answer is no.

Here's why: The beaver pelt trader of the week award is all about rewarding someone for making a risky or remarkable decision while understanding the risks inherent in making that decision. It's an award for a calculated risk, not for sheer lunacy.

What Les Miles did was sheer lunacy. Like doing a back flip off a diving board over a pool filled with ravenous toothpick fish and miraculously landing on the dorsal fin of a pink dolphin which then carries you to safety. What Tommy Tuberville regularly does (think the backwards facing kick return) is make bold, but not reckless decisions.

Nick Saban's decision to start UT-Alabama with an onside kick was beaver pelt worthy. (Getty Images)

Other examples: Nick Saban's onside kick to begin the UT-Alabama game was beaver pelt worthy. Ed Orgeron's fake punt against Florida after a timeout ... not beaver pelt worthy. Les Miles going for it five times on fourth down and being successful ... beaver pelt worthy (These calls were bold, but not necessarily reckless. With the possible exception of going for the touchdown while down 10.)

Finally, remember our initial beaver pelt trader award went to Chris Petersen at Boise State for his two-point conversion call in overtime against Oklahoma. It's not just success or failure that characterizes the award, but success helps. I'd argue that Petersen would have deserved the award even if his team was unsuccessful on the play.

Historically, Tom Osborne circa 1984 would have gotten the beaver pelt trader of the week award for going for two even though he was unsuccessful and it cost his team the national championship. So I try to draw a thin and wavering line between idiocy and inspired brilliance. Admittedly, sometimes this line is hard to distinguish. Think R. Kelly's entire Trapped in the Closet oeuvre. But, for me, Miles' decision at the end of the Auburn game was idiocy rather than brilliance. I can respect arguments both ways, but it's not a beaver pelt trader move in my mind. Of course my mind is horribly skewed. And occasionally beaver pelt traders of the week are people who merely do something that I like. Such as Ashley Lyles last week for wearing the Fear the Apostrophe t-shirt. That was inspired.

Back to Les Miles though. What I loved most about the final moments of LSU-Auburn was how it pitted probably the calmest, most intelligent and reasoned sideline coach in the SEC, Tommy Tuberville, against Les Miles. Who is only an Ed Orgeron-Houston Nutt buffer away from being last in this category. (Incidentally what are the odds the Orgeron-Nutt head coaching contest this weekend set a record for sounds uttered into the headphones that aren't actually words. If Nutt and Orgeron were on the same staff could they communicate via headset without using words? I'm thinking yes). As I was watching the final two minutes of this game, I kept thinking about what Tommy Tuberville must have been thinking. Thankfully, I'm a mind reader.

That's why I can give you two paragraphs inside Tommy Tuberville's head in the moment after the Cox touchdown and in the moments up to and immediately after the LSU score:

Tommy Tuberville: Ruined! (CBSSports.com Original)

"Touchdown. I own the SEC. Les Miles can't even spell SEC if you spot him the S and the E. If you gave me LSU's team we'd be winning 42-3. My hair is going to look so good when I get interviewed after this game. Today's a great hair day. People all over the South are going to be thinking: Tommy Tuberville's hair has never looked better. Especially with this humidity. My Brylcreem is working just awesome. Almost as well as my counter play with Lester. Nobody believed me back in Camden, Arkansas when I told them, one day my Brylcreem is going to be on television and my hair isn't going to move. But now they know. They said nobody would still use Brylcreem by then. Boy, did I just show them. I'm so in control even my hair doesn't move. People say Urban Meyer's in control but he doesn't even have a chin. How in control can you be with a weak chin? My chin is like concrete. And so's my defense. How does 10-1 in your last 11 games against top 10 teams sound? I'll tell you, like bloomers dropping, baby, like bloomers dropping." Skip ahead to the final play:

"I've got timeouts, but I can't call them. What's Crazy Les doing? He's going to call a timeout, right? Surely? The clock is running we don't want to stop it. I want to run my hand through my hair in nervous exposition but I don't want to mess with the Brylcreem. Miles is trying reverse psychology on me and he can't even spell psychology. I should call my timeouts here to save time. But, sakes alive, he's not going to stop the clock. Oh hell, this is it. He's so unorthodox he thinks orthodox and unorthodox are the same word. Oh, good God, they snapped the ball. Keep ticking, clock. He's throwing in the end zone. We've got a guy there ... are you kidding me? Did this really just happen? Did Crazy Les just pull this off? The man is insane. I just lost to a crazy man. One second? One bleepin' second? A perfect Brylcreem night. Ruined."

Heath Shuler loses ... again

Need more signs that things aren't going well for the Tennessee Vols? My childhood idol Heath Shuler (he's from Bryson City, North Carolina, you know) just lost the annual Congress v. Capitol Police game. And he was shutout. And he threw two picks.

Maybe some of the police still have eligibility. The current UT defense could use them.