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But, you are seemingly on your way ;). Keep going brother ;)
I'm content with just understanding myself. I'm complex enough to keep myself busy.
Have you tried Jesus? Forget denominations for a minute. Have you asked Jesus to come into your heart and be the leader of your life, relinquishing control to him. Have you asked him to forgive your sins and confessed with your mouth that Jesus is Lord? Not as a test, but as a commitment.
Actually that's where I started. I figured it was a personal road, and the best way to travel it was alone without influence. As it was failing, I decided to make sure my alone decision wasn't the problem and tried the things I listed before.
The feelings I had as a child were all from within myself. I gave credit to external causes and sang the praises, but in the end the results couldn't be repeated. I was the one giving myself those feelings. The great part is, now that I have come to realize that, I'm free to do it at any time. I am my own savior, my own rock. The journey was long, but the reward well worth it.
I'm sure you aren't thrilled with my answers, I know they aren't what you're hoping for. I'm not making them up to be negative though, I'm just giving you life in my shoes. everybody's feet are different.
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