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umhula77
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...eyed the next hole and remarked to his caddy: "This should be good for a long drive and a putt." His swing, however, hit the sod and pushed the ball only a few feet.
"Now," said the caddy, "for a hell of a putt."
Our regularly scheduled TEE TIME has been delayed due to weather....
Please feel free to leave a joke if you liked or even if you didn't like this one...
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Reputation: 98
Level: Superstar Since: Jan 8, 2008
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Posted on: March 27, 2008 7:03 pm
THE GOLFER confidently eyed...Well maybe this one may stir up some replies; A man stranded on a desert island could not believe his eyes when a beautiful woman in scuba gear appeared on the shore. She smiled and said, "I'll bet you could use a cigarette." Unzipping the sleeve of her wet suit, she pulled out one and handed it to him. "I'll bet you haven't had a nice, cold beer in a long time." Unzipping the leg of her wet suit, she pulled out a brew and gave it to the grateful man. When he had taken the last pull of his smoke and drained the last drop of beer, the shapely woman unzipped the front of her wet suit. "I'll bet, she purred, "it's been a long time since you played around." "You mean,' the man gasped, "you've got golf clubs in there?" or this; A prominent businessman was sent this ransom message: "If you want to see your wife again, bring $50,000 to the 17th green of the country-club golf course at ten o'clock sharp on Friday morning." He didn't arrive on the 17th green until noon. A masked man stepped from behind some bushes and growled, "What the hell took you so long? You're two hours late!" "Hey, gimme a break," the husband pleaded. "I have a twenty-seven handicap!" |
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Reputation: 98
Level: Superstar Since: Jan 8, 2008
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Posted on: March 28, 2008 10:32 am
THE GOLFER confidently eyed...or this: Two golfers agreed to play the ball as it lay. On the sixth tee, they were dead even. The first player hit his drive 200 yards down the middle. The second slashed his shot over the trees and came to rest on a asphalt cart path. "I get free relief from the cart path,' the errant player said to his companion. "Hell no you don't," his partner snapped, "we're playing it as it lays." Without another word, the second player dropped his friend off at his ball and headed toward the path. The first golfer laughed as he saw sparks fly from the practice swing, then was quickly silenced as a second set of sparks sent the ball flying over the trees, onto the green, landing three feet from the pin. "Great shot," he shouted. " What club did you use?" The second player yelled back, "Your six iron!" " |
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Reputation: 96
Level: Superstar Since: Jan 22, 2008
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Posted on: March 28, 2008 12:44 pm
THE GOLFER confidently eyed...UMhula77 = = |
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Reputation: 98
Level: Superstar Since: Jan 8, 2008
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Posted on: March 28, 2008 3:24 pm
THE GOLFER confidently eyed...Yep, we got it last night. 4 or 5 inches. It is melting very quickly though! I was bored so I thought I'd go fishin' for some new jokes. I'll keep putting up jokes until I run out. Maybe one a day for kicks and giggles... |
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Reputation: 98
Level: Superstar Since: Jan 8, 2008
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Posted on: March 29, 2008 9:17 am
THE GOLFER confidently eyed...or this one - "How about that shapely new female pro?" leered a regular the the golf club. "It's a waste of time," advised a fellow member. "How do you know?" "I've already gotten out of bounds with her and learned she's an unpliable lay." |
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Reputation: 98
Level: Superstar Since: Mar 17, 2007
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Posted on: March 30, 2008 7:55 am
THE GOLFER confidently eyed...ok here is mine....why do golfers wear 2 pairs of pants?.......in case he gets a hole in one......ok sorry about that one ...big day here got baseball draft i know we are cutting it early but to get the 12 guys together on one day is like a monkey trying to @#$% a football...cmon good weather my golf league starts this tues. hope your snow is gone umhula...gotta go stir my chourice and peppers for d-day....l8tr the "Krak" |
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Reputation: 98
Level: Superstar Since: Jan 8, 2008
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Posted on: March 31, 2008 8:58 am
THE GOLFER confidently eyed...Thanks plummerz - I am adding another joke today, but not golf related. I hope you like it! POOR BOB Bob works hard at the plant and spends two nights each week bowling and plays golf every Saturday. His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club. The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Bob! How ya doin?" His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh no," says Bob. "He's on my bowling team." When they are seated, a waitress asks Bob if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, "How did she know that you drink Budweiser?" I recognize her, she's the waitress from the golf club. I always have a Bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey." A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Bob, starts to rub herself all over him and says, "Hi Bobby. Want your usual table dance, big boy?" Bob's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Bob follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. Bob tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4 letter word in the book. The cabby turns around and says, "Geez Bob, you picked up a real bitch this time." |
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Reputation: 96
Level: Superstar Since: Jan 22, 2008
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Posted on: March 31, 2008 12:59 pm
THE GOLFER confidently eyed.... |
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Reputation: 98
Level: Superstar Since: Jan 8, 2008
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Posted on: April 2, 2008 9:18 am
THE GOLFER confidently eyed...Thanks dg. That was pretty good. Only two responses so far. Here's another. Definitely an oldie, but goodie... An inner-city youngster who had never seen a game of golf was working as a gas-station attendant when a top-of-the-line Cadillac rolled in. While the driver left the vehicle to make a phone call, the boy examined the car and saw some golf tees on the dashboard. "What are those things for, mister?" he asked as the man returned. "They're to put my balls on when I'm driving." "Gee," sighed the boy, "those Caddie people sure think of everything!" |
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Reputation: 98
Level: Superstar Since: Jan 8, 2008
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Posted on: April 2, 2008 9:20 am
THE GOLFER confidently eyed...How about the stupid golfer that broke both of his ankles at the golf course. Fell off the ball wash... |
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Thanks for the laughs..!! I stopped by yesterday but found myself pressed for time and at a loss for words. I like your additions, though. I hadn't seen the island wet suit in years, so that was nice...... but the partners six iron is CHOICE..