On Thursday, the Fantasy guys did a roast of me at lunch. It was one of the coolest things I've seen. Here are a few of the "publishable" jokes that Ross and Dave Richard (along with some of my rebuttals) said to the group:
FROM ROSS:
- You know what Serge’s problem is? He’s too nice. If he were any nicer, he’d be gay.
- Blanco couldn’t be here today. He just couldn’t get over the terrible empty feeling -- in his skull ... Blanco is going home to see his family in Georgia this week. Wonder if he’s staying with his sister, his mom or his aunt? Oh wait, they’re all the same person.
- Jamey is getting married soon, poor lad. It’s amazing Gonos’ ex got back into the wedding game so quickly ... Some people might think Jamey will be neutered by marriage, but not to worry -- his voice tells us everything we need to know about the state of his cojones.
- Hurc is so cheap, when someone rings the door bell at his apartment, he sticks his head out the window and says, ding-dong.
- Big thanks to Emack for actually putting down his "work" and showing up today. ****ing 27-year-old baseball players is hard work, I bet.
- Some people say you’re fat, Gonos. Fat? You're not fat, you're just ... OK, hell, you’re fat ... Gonos’ new workplace is apparently a little closer to the beach. Problem with that is he doesn’t know how to swim. His mother would never let him in the water ... because it was never more than 30 mins since he last ate.
Gonos, your office chair wanted me to thank you for finally letting it breathe. My office chair is jealous.- Now Gonos is off to OpenSports.com. Hey Gonos, speaking of cube stuff, I'm glad you can take your TiVo with you to OpenSports.com. Will you be able to rewind your decision to leave CBSSports.com when your place shuts down in two years?
- Knock, knock
(Who's there)
OpenSports.com
(OpenSports.com who?)
Eeeeeeeeexactly!
- To Ross (he's British) -- Remember when we kicked your ass in the Revolution, then saved your ass in WWI and WWII? Then you gave us Pet Shop Boys and Mr. Bean. Thanks. Even the French gave us the Statue of Liberty and tongue kisses ... I like your hair culdisac.
- To EMack -- You’ve mentioned my new job is like me going from the NFL to the XFL. I think that makes you the LA/Oakland Raiders. Lots of lateral movement in the company and everyone hates you.
- To Fazal -- You're a good guy. If all Muslims were like you -- lazy, slow and apathetic -- there'd be peace in the Middle East.
- To Jamey -- I hope your fiancee Allison doesn't mind when you shove her out of the way to get solo time in your wedding video.
- To Dave Richard -- YOU are to FUNNY what EMACK is to GOOD BREATH -- you don't have it ... Taco Bell called -- YOU WIN! ... Dave, that salad bar up there -- it's not just a big garnish.
Thanks to former SPLNer's
I've yet to thank a good group of old SportsLine guys that I've worked with and have now moved elsewhere. (I've already mentioned Tristan, Engel, Fabiano and Dobish -- and Alex Riethmiller's a good guy, but he works in a diff department now.) But former writers Matt Lawrence and Brian Flood occupied the same cube diagonally across from me at different times (and both wrote basketball). They were great to work with -- and even better to drink with.
Marc Bernstein, Lyle Skolnick and their leader Peter Pezarus are all toting the