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I can see many of you writing Mike's Malicious Mail ... sitting there in your leopard skin underwear, your 58 percent body fat, cup of steaming coffee laced with Red Bull, chanting "nicotine and caffeine equals protein," beginning your e-mails to Malicious: "Dear Your Suckiness."
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Get your insults in quick, because MMM is headed for a brief vacation. It's hard work carrying Doyel and whipping his bald head in Wonder Twin debates, so Delicious is taking some time off.
But before we depart and learn how to scuba dive, MMM is answering your mail. It's a potpourri of hate, beginning with your classic rot-in-hell well wish.
Regarding my column on Herschel Walker's flimsy claim of having multiple personalities, Paul wrote: "I'm offended by your last article i was in a similar situation once when no one believed i was bi polar. I hope CBS fires you for being such an ass. Then i hope you die and rot in hell."
If hell is a beach on the Cayman Islands, I'm there, Paulie Walnuts!
By the way, bi-polar is a disorder recognized by many mental health professionals while Walker's alleged disorder is not.
Now, onto the remainder of the mail. And please pass the sunscreen.
"You are a complete and total jackass," writes Mike, "simple. You ought to have your mouth washed with liquid soap."
I prefer the good, old-fashioned soap. Preferably soap purchased from Whole Foods. Maybe a little anti-bacterial. Not previously used. A little strawberry jam on top.
"You are a hateful human being," writes Jason.
No, I'm not. I'm a lover of life, liberty and the pursuit of sandy beaches.
Reader Ron agrees with me about my take on Jason Kidd and his backstabbing of then-New Jersey coach Byron Scott, leading to Scott's firing and his incredible resurgence in New Orleans.
"As a Nets fan I couldn't agree more," Ron writes. "I blame (Rod) Thorn for not telling Kidd to chill and thinking firing Scott and replacing him with (Lawrence) Frank was the answer. Nets fans appreciate Kidd, but I don't think too many of them are dying to see his jersey hanging in the rafters any time soon especially after this year's debacle."
